Self-Compassion Meditation
Several years ago, I began the journey of understanding, accepting, and being the practice of Self-compassion Meditation.
It felt like a natural next step in my desire to become a better, more enlightened person.
I tried to set aside 10 minutes every day to open my heart with compassion to my family, friends, community, and especially anyone with whom I was having difficulty.
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I touched the part of my heart that just wants the best for all beings.
I looked for, and always found, the spark of light within people, the part of them that desires the same things I do:
Love, happiness, peace, and the fulfillment of our aspirations.
My acceptance, desire to forgive, and unwillingness to judge too soon or harshly developed as my Self-compassion Meditation practice matured.
I found myself less scared, less cautious, and more flexible in receiving and sharing the benefits of human interaction.
I was happy with the results of my compassion practice. But, as is so frequently the case, just as I was getting comfortable with my practice, the world pushed me to go deeper.
Now I can recognize and accept that it is in my DNA as a human to make errors, to be less than flawless, to fail, and to do and say things I am not proud of.
It's in my nature to be fearful at times, as well as unhappy, furious, envious, and so on.
The struggle is as much a part of the human experience as joy and celebration.
I'm both a shadow and a light. When I accept all elements of my experience, my being, with loving compassion rather than denial or resistance, I am finally able to fully understand and love what it is to be alive.
As I've begun to provide that same love, understanding, and goodwill to myself, I've noticed a significant shift in my quest to become a better, more enlightened person.
That fundamental change has affected the whole purpose of my search.
I can understand that wanting to be a better person suggests that there is something wrong with who I am in the first place.
For many years, I've been turning like a hamster on the wheel of self-improvement, relentlessly pursuing a goal that will never be attained:
Perfection. What a new viewpoint I have now that I'm no longer behind the wheel.
Self-compassion Meditation is a great gift that allows us to see ourselves clearly, warts and all;
To comprehend our emotions, responses, and challenges more profoundly; and to wrap ourselves in the arms of our loving support and be comforted and encouraged.
It is a gift that no one else can give or take away from you. It is also the fertile ground from which a more compassionate world will emerge.
Everything we encounter is, first and foremost, a personal encounter filtered through the lens of our inner landscape.
Compassion for one another naturally comes from the springs of compassion we cultivate for ourselves.
What Is Self-Compassion Meditation?
Self-compassion is the ability to assist ourselves and identify an individual's pain with empathy.
It is the ability to reach out to oneself without ignoring one's pain or blaming oneself for what one is going through.
As a result, we relate to ourselves in the same manner that we relate to others.
We may define the sort of connection we have with ourselves if we are in one.
We also notice that our relationship with ourselves varies according to our life events.
When we have successes, it is easier to love ourselves.
When we go through a difficult experience, we tend to be highly critical and rejecting of ourselves, especially if we think we are to blame.
When our friends are going through stressful situations, we provide them with our support, compassion,
and understanding; nevertheless, when we are in similar situations, we may be harsh and unkind to ourselves.
If we talked to a friend in the same way as we communicate with ourselves, he or she would unfriend us. So, what exactly do we do to ourselves?
Self-compassion Meditation builds strength by helping us reduce the impact of negative ideas on the person.
It's similar to having a friendship with yourself. A kind and compassionate friend.
Self-compassion is a unique manner of interacting with ourselves that offers a fascinating solution to the attitude of the harsh and harmful judgment that we often take in front of ourselves.
Fundamental suffering is already a component of our life and human experience. Judging and disliking us for our grief adds secondary agony to the initial, chosen sadness.
Furthermore, Self-compassion Meditation assists you in cultivating a helpful and understanding internal dialogue as well as creating a haven for yourself.
What Is The Benefit Of Self-compassion Meditation?
Studies of people who practice self-compassion Meditation show the following:
2. They are more inclined to continue their studies after a bad outcome.
3. Their compassion for themselves connects them to the rest of mankind, whereas emphasizing constantly being better than others disconnects you from others.
4. Those who focus on their "inner friend" heal faster than those who focus on their "inner enemy."
5. Reduction of stress and anxiety.
6. Alleviation of depressive symptoms.
7. Decreased feelings of shame and inadequacy (feeling of not being good enough).
8. Amplification of the feeling of happiness.
9. Increased self-confidence and general satisfaction.
10. Better physical health.
How To Do Self-Compassion Meditation
Before carrying out the practice, you must have a clear understanding of what self-compassion Meditation is.
My experience has shown me that a lot of people believe they understand their minds when I explain self-compassion Meditation to them, but their conduct tells me that they do not.
I've seen that for many people, self-compassion means either seeking answers, modifying their emotions,
or convincing themselves that they won't feel it again. The strategy is the same: remove yourself from what hurts.
This is set up on the mindset: the only way to be nice to me is to stop feeling bad.
Self-compassion Meditation is the other way around the mindset: I can learn to be kind to myself while I'm in pain.
Understanding and appreciating this movement is beneficial to me as an experienced individual.
I think I can make a movement within you to find a way to alleviate this suffering. Everything reduces to having an uplifting objective to foster oneself.
Finding a solution to problems is a very positive attitude to have; however, before we do as such,
I recommend that we explore different avenues regarding another option: accept the possibility of facing challenges and working with you in those situations.
If the function of problem-solving is to no longer feel our negative emotions, this is likely to be problematic for life's unsolvable problems.
We propose to be able to make the two co-exist: at the same time to welcome our suffering and at the same time then open up to a resolution.
Here are common practices:
1. When you find yourself failing or suffering, bring mindfulness to it - acknowledge that you are struggling to validate yourself.
2. Remind yourself of the common humanity of the situation - this is not just you; it is part of all of life. The struggle is a part of life.
3. Speak some words of kindness to yourself; comfort yourself and give yourself the encouragement that you would give your best friend.
4. Loving Kindness Meditation: This is a meditation practice centered on openness to loving kindness towards self and others. This is particularly intense for nurturing self-compassion Meditation and a sense of belonging to humanity, to something greater than oneself.
Self Compassion - The New Self Esteem?
There is a lot of interesting research that has developed over the past several years about self-compassion and how it stacks up against self-esteem.
The issue at the heart of anxiety, depression, damaged relationships, and other psychological disorders, was located in the individual's low self-esteem.
At its most fundamental, self-esteem is an assessment of oneself as a good or terrible person in the world.
Self Compassion
People who have poor self-esteem may be self-critical, have chronic indecision, and suffer from perfection, discouragement, aggression, and guilt.
Low self-esteem has been related to sadness and trouble viewing oneself as loveable or valuable as a human being.
People with high self-esteem are known to have complete faith in their ability to overcome difficulties, achieve in their life activities,
consider themselves deserving of love, and not waste time worrying excessively about what went on in the past or what will happen in the future.
Having a high degree of self-esteem sounds fantastic, doesn't it?
In our current society, it appears that there is a negative cultural message of envy that is associated with self-esteem to feel good about ourselves.
So, feeling good about oneself is no longer adequate; rather, self-esteem is now tied to outperforming others or continuously performing above the perceived norm.
And of course, no matter how hard you work, someone else will always be smarter, richer, or what we perceive as more successful in various areas of life.
We can feel fantastic about ourselves one minute and as soon as we see someone who looks like they are doing better than we are,
our self-esteem can plummet and negative messages can start swirling around in our minds.
Researcher Kristen Neff suggests that this competitive culture leads to building ourselves up and tearing others down,
to feel good about our human condition. It is as if we are now on a rollercoaster ride of self-esteem.
It goes up and down not only depending on what is happening in our own lives but also depending on how we measure
What is happening in our life against the life of another person or perhaps many different people?
It seems positive affirmations are not quite enough to help us feel good about ourselves in a culture of competition and getting ahead sustainably.
So What Is The Alternative?
Kristen Neff's research on self-compassion may be the answer.
It certainly seems to be changing the way we think about achieving a state of emotional well-being and the possibilities available to us to live in the world with contentment and acceptance for our humanity with both its challenges and delights.
Self-compassion Meditation is linked to less depression, greater happiness, and more life satisfaction.
She suggests that if we stop labeling ourselves as good or bad and accept ourselves with an open heart, kindness, care,
and compassion- the kind we would show to a friend- this is a way to help us avoid destructive patterns and increase the joy in our lives.
So What Is Self-compassion?
It is quite simply defined as a way of relating to oneself that involves treating yourself kindly regardless of what is happening in life.
It is showing yourself the same care and concern for suffering that you would for a loved one.
Diving a little deeper into the definition, Neff has identified three core components of self-compassion:
Self-kindness: this asks that we offer gentleness in language and understanding toward ourselves instead of harsh judgment and criticism, actively stopping to soothe ourselves when we are in pain
Common Humanity: this is recognition of our connection with others in the experience of life, rather than sinking into the isolation that comes from competition and suffering.
It is about recognizing that suffering and imperfection are a shared human experience.
Mindfulness: this is about holding a balanced awareness of our experiences in life- not ignoring pain or amplifying it, but being fully in the present moment.
This can feel quite foreign if you are used to beating yourself up and the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride of self-esteem.
Self-compassion allows us to see ourselves. A stable sense of self-worth developing from this kind of compassion means that when we make a mistake we can give ourselves a sense of care.
What About Taking Responsibility? How Do We React When Life Is Falling Apart?
So this idea of self-compassion might sound like a lack of taking ownership when something goes wrong for which we bear responsibility.
In reality, when we are in a cycle of ups and downs with our self-esteem, that is when it is easier to blame the other person.
Why? Because when we are constantly criticizing ourselves and feeling depressed, taking on ownership of one more thing is simply too painful. We are already down and feeling horrible.
On the contrary, self-compassion gives us the emotional courage to take responsibility for our actions because it is in that state that we have the emotional capacity to fully accept who we are as humans with both the pain and the joy of life.
How Do We Do This?
As with most things, practice is needed to cultivate a new response. Here are a few ideas about the how of self-compassion.
Ask for Help: One of the most important points is learning that it is safe to be kind to yourself and acknowledge where you might need help.
Self-compassion is about acceptance of the shared human experience of imperfection and suffering.
There is no expectation that one has it all together or won't make a mistake. It is a normal human experience to need help during a struggle.
Ask Questions and Listen for the Answers: Meditation teacher Jack Kornfield poses the following questions as a meditation guide and suggests we listen for deep answers from our body, heart, and spirit:
How have I treated this difficulty so far?
How have I suffered by my response and reaction to it?
What great lesson might my suffering teach me?
What does this problem ask me to let go of?
Try a New Approach: The next time you make a mistake and move toward self-criticism, see if you can notice it and try something different.
For example, instead of that first thought that might come into your mind, "I messed up... I am an awful worthless person" we might instead try to say, "I messed up...
I am human and made a mistake- how will I use this opportunity to show self-compassion?"
In the latter, there is no judgment about whether one is fundamentally a good or bad person- just acceptance or responsibility and acknowledgment of our humanity.
This has now become a unique opportunity to respond to our suffering by turning toward it and offering it gentleness as you would toward a friend.
Jack Kornfield said, "If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete".
Self-Compassion Meditation Guided
Get yourself into a comfortable position, either seated or lying down preferably. Try to ensure that you have minimal distractions.
You need to clear your mind of any distractions. This can indeed be tough especially if you have a lot going on in your life.
Allow your body to relax and release any tension
.Once you're feeling comfortable and relaxed you want to concentrate on your breathing. By concentrate I mean focus and pay attention to your breathing.
Take deep breaths in through the nose and exhale fully through the nose filling and then clearing your lungs.
Of course, be sensible, there's no need to hyperventilate or such like!
Just take deep breaths in a relaxed manner, nice and slow, don't strain yourself, and remember to pay attention to your breathing!
Simply repeat this process for around 15 mins or as long as you like but I recommend a minimum of 15 mins.
Remember the goal here is to free your mind from your daily worries and anxieties.
To understand how self-compassion Meditation can help you in your daily life, I suggest you do the following little exercise.
Think back to a difficult experience you had recently. It can be a conflict with a loved one, a mistake you made, a disappointment...
Choose a situation that does not cause you excessive suffering: the goal is not for you to feel overwhelmed by pain.
After that, you do the following.
1. Identify and express how you feel.
* If you're feeling sad and upset, just tell yourself, "I'm sad and upset about this.
* If you're feeling angry, accept that there are usually feelings underneath the anger, such as, “I'm angry because I'm really sad about…”.
* If you feel like crying, then let the tears flow. Although many of us (especially men) have learned to suppress our feelings and not cry,
crying is one of the most powerful ways for our brains to cope with disappointment or loss and then be able to move on.
2. Accept and validate how you feel.
* “It's good to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with feeling like this because other people would feel sad and angry too.
3. Remember that you are not alone, but rather, precisely because of this, you are connected to what others are going through.
* I am not the only person to make such things happen.
* It's part of being human. Everyone feels like that at some point.
* I'm only human. Nobody has a perfect life.
4. Remember that just because you're hurting doesn't mean you're bad.
*That doesn't make me a bad person. I'm just human and imperfect, like everyone else.
5. Give yourself hope.
* It's going to be fine.
* I will get through this
6. Say the same thing to yourself as you say to comfort someone you care about.
* I am a good person.
* I am not alone
7. Be grateful for what you have. It helps you think about the positives and counter the natural human tendency to be negative.
* I'm lucky to have.
* I'm lucky that ____
8. Move on and do useful things.
* I'm not going to make myself feel any worse. I will support myself as I would support someone else who is going through this ordeal.
* I can do some healthy things about it, like go to bed earlier, eat healthier, and get outside every day.
In today's society, many people feel compelled to feel happy. The truth is that life is not easy and we all sometimes encounter disappointment, loss, or suffering.
Life is a road with potholes. The problem is that we can react to bumps in the road with a negative inner voice that criticizes or blames us. It only makes things worse.
The good news is that there is a solution. In the face of disappointment, loss, or pain, we can treat ourselves with kindness and compassion.
We can give ourselves emotional support, like a close friend or family member who is hurting. Self-compassion Meditation is not about telling ourselves that we are better than others in some way.
It's about accepting reality: no matter how badly we'd like to think we are, we're human beings, just like everyone else.
And being human is that we are all going to face failures, disappointments, and losses at some point. By accepting that we are imperfect, we can change our inner voice to one of support, acceptance, and compassion. Consequently,